“The next level is just two millimeters above, and it’s outstanding, magnificent, extraordinary. You’re not one of the best, you are the best. You only have to be two millimeters more than everyone else.” – Tony Robbins Those who understand how to be relentless in life use the two millimeter rule. They’re able to constantly […]
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Author: Imported Blogs
You’ve been working on your leadership skills. You’ve become an excellent public speaker. You know your company’s software inside and out. You tackle client meetings like a pro. You’re organized, effective and able to think long-term. These are all valuable leadership skills. But something is missing. Compassionate and caring leadership is the cornerstone of any […]
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Change is inevitable. Progress is optional. You’re either going to move forward or move backwards. Either way, you’re moving. So why not take the opportunity to discover how to create the life you want? A lot of people think that getting what you want in life means working hard, making money and grinding out each […]
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Entrepreneurs have existed since agricultural tribes traded their first stone tools in the marketplace. King Croesus minted the first coin in the sixth century, and up until the 19th century, most businesses were small businesses. So what’s so special about a startup vs. small business? Once technology entered the picture, business models began to diverge. […]
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Self-blame, negative self-talk, endless pummelling by the inner critic and the relentless self-shaming that can hijack our minds and torture our hearts can effectively poison our trust in ourselves to cope and derail any hope of bouncing back from stress and trauma.
I offer 14 very practical and very useful exercises to push back on the inner critic (even shift its role to that of inner advisor) from a recent webinar sponsored by NScience: Ending the Flood of Shaming Self-Talk: How to Effectively Face Up to the Inner Critic. Though crafted for clinicians, the entire webinar is offered in very plain, accessible English and will be useful to anyone at any stage of shifting their relationship to their inner judge/bully/gremlin.
Here are the basic principles that provide the context to benefitting from this work:
The Inner Critic is Universal
The inner critic is an easily recognizable inner part of our larger Self that is archetypal, universal. Every human being experiences some form of negative self-talk, some form of harsh self-judgment or self-criticism once in awhile, some days all the while.
“Who do thou think you are? You’ll never amount to anything. It doesn’t matter how hard you try, nobody’s going to like you or stay your friend.”
Whatever particular message
As we transition into 2022, I would like to acknowledge aloud that I am tired. Covid has reminded me it’s time again to root around inside my resilience toolbox to better manage my feelings coming up around the rug of hope and normalcy being recently pulled out.
The arrival of Omicron has knocked me emotionally which took some time to fully realize. I remained generally grounded during the undulations of the last few years of Covid. My family was safe and we were all able to adapt well. For this I am grateful as I know not everyone had this experience. I settled into a new “normal,” adapted my practice from in-person to online and provided therapy for a stream of individuals and couples living with the stress and uncertainty of Covid.
Over time, things seemed to be better. They were better. The relief was palpable in my community and across the country.
In the last month, as “the next variant” caught fire around the globe then landed here, a shift in my emotional state began. Tension, fear, disappointment, sadness, anger, frustration and an uptick in overall negativity started knocking insistently at my door. The feelings apparently managed to sneak in and tear up
Fear of failure, fear of rejection or fear that we’re just not enough – fear is a common current that runs through all of our lives. And if we let it, fear can keep us locked up in the prison of the comfortable and predictable, which prevents us from reaching our true potential. Living in […]
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This past year has felt to like it’s been sucked up into a vacuum. Many of us are rubbing the Covid sleep out of our eyes with cautious optimism as vaccine rollouts accelerate and Covid numbers decline nationally. The human toll has been profound on many levels and despite reasons to be hopeful, reasons for legitimate concern remain.
But the power of hope is not to be underestimated. It can build our resilience (the ability to bounce back from tough times) as well as help reduce anxiety, trauma, and depression. The pandemic has seen a sharp rise in all three.
With signs of possibly getting out of this thing, or at least it being more manageable, people are looking ahead to the future and dreaming. They are now able to imagine doing the things they have missed, re-engaging in life. I can see this reflected via many media sources, in my individual and couples therapy practice as well as in my personal life with family and friends. After months of hiding out, hope is making an appearance allowing people to imagine what could be again.
I’ve been reflecting upon the things that I miss and look forward to. For me a few of
We have gone through so much in the past year. We’ve adapted, bent, scrambled, mourned, watched, processed, prayed and hoped as our lives changed in ways it was impossible to have predicted. Many have experienced vulnerability, fear and worry in new ways too. As we in this country breathe in signs of hope for positive change, we also reflect back upon what we have learned.
In the piece, How Will You be Different? written many months ago, I reflected on the possible subtle positive shifts that may be happening with a world halted, leaving us peering out our windows. I wondered if the forced slow down might have allowed people to notice things they hadn’t before. Could creativity have been sparked as we sought ways to keep ourselves occupied with the majority of our routines, activities and social meet-ups stripped away? And while the unnatural amount of time couples, families and roommates sharing homes spent together was taxing for some, might it allow others to relish in a deep appreciation for loved ones? I also pondered whether people post-pandemic would make contact with a deeper sense of gratitude.
My grandmother used to say, “Who’s got tomorrow?” Boy, was she right.
As we wipe
Richard Nicastro, PhD, through the eyes of “Nina,” explores what it can look like when protective love turns into hopeless frustration.
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If you’re a woman in a committed relationship, I’d like you to think about how your husband/partner reacts to you when you’re vulnerable — do your vulnerabilities bring out the best in him? Or does he react with annoyance, frustration or even anger?
One wife wanted to share what she learned about her husband after completing six months of couples counseling. As you read Nina’s insights, see if anything she’s discovered applies to your own relationship. Sometimes we can find pearls of wisdom on someone else’s journey, even when the specifics differ.
(I’m handing the blog reins over to Nina at this point so that you can hear from her directly…)
My husband and I have our differences and we’ve learned to compromise over the years, but overall we have a loving, solid marriage.
He’s always been quiet. When we met he was a little more talkative, but even then, it paled in comparison to how much I need to communicate. I’ve stopped trying to get him to talk more. It was unfair to him (since he’s never been talkative) and in all honesty,