I had enough recently. So I stopped. In hindsight I didn’t realize that pause was coming but had a vague awareness of overwhelm creeping up on me, a barely audible whisper telling me I was trying to do too much again, an invitation to give myself a break and regroup.

In the past when I took on too much, I ignored my intuition and plowed ahead with an unconscious belief that I “should” do more as my identity was firmly wrapped around this notion. Does that sound familiar? Do you believe you ARE what you DO? This is very common with perfectionistic and driven types where either emotional validation was limited and/or achievement highly rewarded in their family of origin.

This recent time when I had enough, it was different because I had already learned one of the most life changing lessons there are:

“I am a human being, not a human doing.”

Alas, being a “human being” does not exclude me from the need to earn a living to help support my family. I’m a practicing psychotherapist working with individuals and couples in Marin County, CA. Additionally I am a writer on topics related to emotional and relationship health, the founder of this

Originally published at http://loveandlifetoolbox.com

Linda Graham, MFT and author of Resilience and Bouncing Back, looks at the power of response flexibility, an important aspect of resilience.  It’s the ability we all have to shift our attitude in any moment, no matter what has happened.    
Reflective intelligence hones your perceptions and responses to any event, any issue.  You can uncover and examine complex patterns of “thinking” that could derail your resilience and rewire them if you wish to.
You can learn to pause and become present, notice and name, allow-tolerate-accept, observe – to increasingly complex objects of awareness – sensations, emotions, thoughts, patterns of thought, beliefs, assumptions, values, points of view, identities.  Mindfulness even allows us to observe the processes of the brain that creates those “mental contents” and shift them to something more flexible and “open-minded” when necessary.
Many people think of mindfulness as a kind of thinking or cognition. Not exactly. Mindful awareness is more about being with rather than thinking about – knowing what you are experiencing while you are experiencing it.  This awareness and reflection about experience (and your reactions to your experience) creates choice points in your brain.  You can respond flexibly to whatever is happening, moment by moment by moment.
Here’s my own story of shit happens, but shift happens, too, to illustrate mindfulness

Originally published at http://loveandlifetoolbox.com

We’ve all heard of FOMO.  “The fear of missing out,” the anxiety that an exciting event may be happening that you’re not a part of.
This initially was a term assigned to teens, often exacerbated by social media.  Then FOMO crept into the culture a bit more insidiously, especially for those with an underlying vulnerability to feeling excluded and alone.  The hyper-social extrovert who is recharged by people, activities and events can get sucked into the hole too.  I suppose for a few of these folks, it might ultimately be fairly harmless.
The question is ultimately whether the “fear” leads to compulsive behavior and unpleasant hangover emotions.  At its worst and left unchecked, FOMO can lead to depression, bitterness and dents to the sense of self.  Someone with pervasive FOMO might often spontaneously “quit” social media in an effort to manage their uncomfortable feelings around the perception of being left out.
In walks JOMO, “the joy of missing out,” the antidote and positive reframe of its predecessor.
JOMO essentially means you’re good with where you’re at.  You’re able to let go of the “shoulds” and not panic about whether there is a better choice to be made.  It asks us to practice saying No

Originally published at http://loveandlifetoolbox.com

My husband, Keith, received an email from a colleague several years ago containing an article.  He immediately sent it to me and suggested I give it a read because it touched his soul.
From the moment I began reading the words of Australian author and songwriter, Bronnie Ware, I knew I wanted to share them with you.
I reached out to Bronnie with hope in my heart and she graciously agreed to allow me to post this article originally written on her site which was the basis for her best-selling book, The Top Five Regrets of the Dying: A Life Transformed by the Dearly Departed.
After Bronnie released her book in Germany, it remained on its best sellers list every single week for well over a year.  I’ve not read the book but based on how touched I have been by the article, I imagine the book would do just as much.
Without further ado, the article that widened the smile on Keith and my face and reminded us that one of the best ways to live without regret is to not allow others to overly influence your family’s hopes, dreams or pursuit of happiness and to follow your own personal destiny.
Until tomorrow…make it

Originally published at http://loveandlifetoolbox.com

My good friend, Matthew, called and said his wife was on the verge of a nervous breakdown. My friend was beyond himself in bewilderment over his wife’s unusual state of mind. His wife, Marianne had always been what everyone considered a high performer and super competent. She had an MBA and ran a successful bank….
The post How Accommodation Sabotages Love appeared first on Start Marriage Right.

Originally published at http://loveandlifetoolbox.com

There is a common misconception that as your marriage evolves and as time passes, it becomes boring. The thing is, marriage is a lifelong sleepover with your best friend. When my husband and I became new parents, we quickly became consumed with diaper-changing, bills, and my husband’s nonstop school and work schedule that we lost…
The post Marriage is a Lifelong Party with Your Best Friend appeared first on Start Marriage Right.

Originally published at http://loveandlifetoolbox.com

If you must look back, do so forgivingly. If you must look forward, do so prayerfully. However, the wisest thing you can do is to be present in the present. Gratefully. —Maya Angelou On the 31st of December every year my husband and I go on a date. We find somewhere quiet, away from the house,…
The post What Gifts Are You Bringing to Your Marriage? appeared first on Start Marriage Right.

Originally published at http://loveandlifetoolbox.com

Sometimes the extraordinary we want is found in the ordinary we already have. —Linda Trammell One proverb asks a particularly intriguing question, “An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels” (Proverbs 31:10). Although the question seems pointed at single people, its message speaks to every reader—“finding” lasting love is a challenge….
The post All the Wrong Faces appeared first on Start Marriage Right.

Originally published at http://loveandlifetoolbox.com

The other day, I found myself excitedly planning several things I wanted to do to surprise my husband. I quickly made a mental checklist of what I needed to make it happen and then quickly realized I was unintentionally planning things I could ask for in return for my “kindness.” If I made his favorite…
The post Marriage with a No-Strings Attached Mindset appeared first on Start Marriage Right.

Originally published at http://loveandlifetoolbox.com

A little over ten years ago, we were pregnant with our first child, a daughter who would be named Natalie. We were extremely excited and nervous. I shared with one of my mentor-pastors that we were expecting to be parents. His face lit up, said “that’s awesome,” and then gave me a piece of unsolicited…
The post Practicing Grace During Seasons of Transition appeared first on Start Marriage Right.

Originally published at http://loveandlifetoolbox.com