Did I offer peace today? Did I bring a smile to someone’s face? Did I say words of healing? Did I let go of my anger and resentment? Did I forgive? Did I love? These are the real questions. I must trust that the little bit of love that I sow now will bear many…
The post Love is Learned appeared first on Start Marriage Right.
Blog
Richard Nicastro, PhD explores the impact of having an avoidant attachment style in relationships and why a deep emotional connection can feel so scary to some.
For those who have an avoidant attachment style, caring comes at a significant emotional cost.
“It’s always been hard for me to get close to people. I have this wall that goes up. Maybe it’s never completely down. I know it’s frustrated my wife. I’ve been accused of not feeling, of being distant, of not caring, of being afraid of intimacy…it’s just that…well, there’s this wall, it’s always been a part of me.” —Kiefer, age 39
Once you care deeply about someone, there is always the threat of loss. Loss and caring go hand-in-hand. When others become important to us, they have considerable power — power to uplift, power to sway, power to hurt. The emotionally avoidant anticipate that this power will lead to pain. A pain that may arise from clashing agendas, incompatibilities of desire and interest, pain for caring more than the other, a pain that may be reminiscent of earlier relational wounds.
For too many, the road to emotional intimacy is paved with potential danger.
For those of us who have learned to prioritize avoidance strategies,
In Northern California, we have had three years in a row of major fires during October not only causing massive destruction but impacting large areas surrounding the actual fires by unhealthy air quality as smoke blanketed communities. This current fire season was recently met by the electric company (PG&E) with pre-emptive shut offs during hot, dry and very windy conditions to try to minimize further impact. This meant many communities in the Bay Area had no power for day after day while they nervously watched a massive fire raging under the most dangerous of weather conditions.
It’s interesting to notice the collective angst that is generated during this type of event. If you tend toward anxiety, a situation like this can be particularly activating. I was out of the country as the fire grew with my husband and son home in Mill Valley. Though I was away on a mini vacation, I had one eye on California and the unfolding situation the entire time. I was nervous and didn’t like being away from my family when things appeared to be unraveling in such a way.
When I landed in Oakland this past Sunday night, we glided down through a haze of golden
Toby Mac said, “God is still writing your story. Quit trying to steal the pen.” God is the Author of beauty from ashes and triumph from tragedy. He has given us a voice to share our struggles so that others might not face those same difficulties and hardships. Perhaps we can share our past struggles…
The post Three Things I Learned The Hard Way In Marriage appeared first on Start Marriage Right.
The following article is written by Peter Diamandis (see full bio below) and first appeared on his blog. Join Peter and Tony on October 30th at 12pm PT as they discuss the power of Massively Transformative Purposes and why “moonshot” thinking is the only way to be as an entrepreneur. Register here for the webinar. […]
The post Asking “who,” not “how” appeared first on tonyrobbins.com.
Richard Nicastro, PhD digs into the unfortunate reality of divorce; some of the ways it can come about as well as some important things to keep in mind if it happens.
We don’t get married expecting to be one of the fifty percent of the couples who end up divorcing.
The we’re-going-to-make-it expectation runs so deeply that most of us don’t even entertain the thought that someday we might be the couple fighting over who gets the antique desk and the artwork in the master bedroom. Most of us would never even consider gambling our life savings with these odds (a fifty percent chance that you could lose every penny), and yet, when it comes to marriage and divorce, we willingly roll the marital dice even though the emotional stakes are high.
While not all marital endings are alike, the decision to divorce (or having to divorce because of someone else’s decision) can be devastating.
Divorce is disruptive on many levels. There are the practical and financial upheavals, the untangling of lives once joined so tightly. The impact on children can be considerable. Where love once existed, there is now an emptiness filled with anger and despair.
The slow burn ending
Some marriages unravel over time.
This recent study demonstrates what may be intuitive for some but what’s even more helpful is the Inc.com author’s segue into “what to do about it” if you don’t have this attribute in your current relationship.
Study after study proves people who have good relationships–especially with their spouse or significant other–are most likely to achieve happiness.
But what if there was a single attribute that could predict whether relationships would be good enough–and whether the people in them would ultimately be happy or frustrated?
Now, a massive research project (described by the university that sponsored it as the “most comprehensive study” of marriage happiness to date) says there is in fact one such single characteristic.
It’s bigger than any of the other things we often think of in relationships–bigger than compatibility, growth, sexual attraction, intelligence, wisdom, or values. The single attribute? Kindness.
Here’s the study–plus what to do if you’re already in a relationship, but it doesn’t seem to have the level of kindness you realize you might be missing.
5 little questions
Writing in the Journal of Research in Personality, Bill Chopik, associate professor of psychology and director of the Close Relationships Lab at Michigan State University, explained how he combed through data on 2,500 long-term married couples (20+ years) to figure this out.
His data source involved self-reported
Healthy intimate relationships are one of the biggest joys in life, bringing companionship, laughter and passion into both partners’ lives. When your relationship is based on trust, it serves as a lifeboat, anchor and sail that keeps you afloat, secure and filled with purpose. When jealousy corrodes the trust and respect in your partnership, the […]
The post How to stop being jealous in a relationship appeared first on tonyrobbins.com.
Feeling unworthy and undeserving is pervasive. It can touch every aspect of your life; your sense of self, your relationships and more. I resonate with how Tara Brach, Psychologist, Buddhist meditation teacher, speaker and writer, speaks about feeling unworthy. She says:
“Our most fundamental sense of well-being is derived from the conscious experience of belonging. Relatedness is essential to survival.”
We all need to feel we belong in some way. Humans are wired to connect, find security in each other and also be a part of something larger in whatever that means. But we can blocked from this for so many reasons and a sense of inherent deficiency can result.
According to Tara, “When inevitable pain arises, we take it personally. We are diagnosed with a disease or go through a divorce, and we perceive that we are the cause of unpleasantness (we’re deficient) or that we are the weak and vulnerable victim (still deficient). Since everything that happens reflects on me, when something seems wrong, the source of wrong is me. The defining characteristic of the trance of separation is this feeling and fearing of deficiency.”
She goes on to say, “Both our upbringing and our culture provide the immediate breeding ground for
“There is such restoration in creation to relieve stress” – Susan Winter Many marriages would benefit if spouses put the above sentence into practice! God created man and woman to come together in holy matrimony to reflect His glory and love through the marriage covenant. “God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God,…
The post Recreate Your Marriage appeared first on Start Marriage Right.