Linda Graham, MFT and author of Resilience: Powerful Practices for Bouncing Back from Disappointment, Difficulty, and Even Disaster, shares one exercise from her book for improved resilience and well being.
On my way to an early morning doctor’s appointment, my car got a flat tire. Drove to the neighborhood tire shop instead. They could replace the tire in an hour, in time for me to begin seeing clients for the rest of the day. I walked home, walking down a street I had driven almost every day for years, but now seeing things at a completely different pace, from a completely different perspective.
There is the Spanish ambassador’s residence in my neighborhood. Who knew? There is a home on the National Register of Historic Places; I never knew that. A neighbor has a pomegranate tree in their front yard. I never knew that either.
The delight that there was so much to discover in a few short blocks put all of the grump about the flat tire in perspective. I have the privilege of being alive in a world full of awe and wonder, if only I take time to notice and expand my horizons.
That shifting of perspectives is at the core of resilience; being able
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If you’re married, you’ve probably figured out that marriage isn’t always easy. And it’s not supposed to be. Like anything, time comes with changes; shifts within the individual, relationship movement and external life events. As the honeymoon phase of a relationship gets further away in the rear view mirror, it’s important for the long term stabilizing factors like respect, friendship, commitment and common goals to kick in. When work, family and other obligations stress the system, it’s crucial to remember to prioritize the relationship itself in the form of date nights, quality time spent together, intimacy and physical connection (even small but consistent micro-doses can be like glue that keeps the marriage connected).
For me, the most critical aspect of having a rock solid marriage (or long term relationship), is emotional safety within the relationship. Both must feel they can fully emotionally rely on each other and have a collaborative spirit in how they approach things. In my couples therapy practice, this is one of the first things I’m looking for, to assess whether they are still on the same team or have been compromised by a lack of emotional safety. A marriage is in trouble if it has become adversarial
The Christmas season is one full of endless to-do lists, card writing to family and friends you rarely see, and last-minute gift buying and present hiding. It’s full of hot cocoa, Christmas carols, messy homes from entertaining and pillow forts, and early giggles on Christmas morning. Amidst the hustle and bustle of the season, it…
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Richard Nicastro, PhD, digs deeper into narcissism; the differences between a label and actual diagnosis and the pain of loving a narcissist.
Narcissism has been getting a lot of attention lately from professionals and the general public. The term is now commonly used in everyday discourse to describe those we see as self-absorbed and uncaring. This has been called the age of narcissism; research suggests that narcissism is on the rise.
We often slap the label of narcissism onto those who have hurt or infuriated us in some way. In these instances, we might be experiencing the other as self-centered, arrogant, uncaring or inconsiderate. Narcissism has almost become synonymous with “entitled” or “arrogant” or “selfish.” But is that an accurate label in those cases?
Why are you calling someone a narcissist?
In my therapy practice it’s become increasingly common for clients to describe someone, often a spouse/partner, and then ask me if I think this person is a “narcissist” — or the client may already be convinced that the person they are talking about is a narcissist.
There is an increasing awareness that there are painful ramifications of being in a relationship with someone who is narcissistic. And because of this, deciding whether our spouse/partner
Yep. I said “survival” toolbox because for a lot of people, this time of year is challenging. We are all told that this is “family time” and that we are expected to be merry and festive with our extended families. If the holidays are positive and family gatherings conjur up warm and good feelings for you about connecting with loves ones, that is great! There is probably not much need for any tips on how to “survive” much other than the frenzy of holiday shopping, prepping and attending parties and other gatherings.
But if you are increasingly agitated as the gathering dates approach and you’d like to learn some ways to do the best you can with your situation, read on.
The more common concerns circulate around family dynamics. Often old ways of functioning still exist and many adults can feel themselves regressing into childhood as the time nears. If dad still rules the roost, mom still scampers around him and the adult children are expected to follow along (as you always did) for example, this might not necessarily work as well now that you are well into your own adult life, making adult decisions, possibly with a partner and family of
I’ve been feeling a little sideways lately; bewildered, frustrated and a wee bit crazy. What appears clear as my hand in front of me is reportedly something different to a group of people, unfortunately who have the power to do something about it. And my lament is accepting the possibility what what seems so wrong will actually go unchanged. The reality is, these things are part of life but for the moment, I am reminding myself of how to more easily swallow this pill if need be.
Truth is, there are many circumstances that can feel confusing to the degree that you feel sideways. Unhealthy relationships, dysfunctional families, a toxic workplace are a few examples. In many cases, you can actually DO something about it and get out of the situation (though this can be really hard for some, especially with trauma histories and self esteem issues). And there are other cases where you do not have the ability as an individual to change the situation but to simply observe as things unfold. You are powerless.
We all can have moments where we can sometimes feel “sideways” about a situation. When it becomes more problematic is when it shifts from periodic to
The TOEFL exam isn’t a straightforward check. The TOEFL writing part got two tasks. All the TOEFL essay matters are created using the very same purpose in your brain. Notice Essay Writing for Standardized Assessments to learn more about how you can create such an essay. The initial stage to creating a great essay is […]
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Linda Graham, MFT and author of Resilience and Bouncing Back, looks at the two pillars of healthy social connections and provides exercises in how to cultivate them.
I regularly experience the power of wisely connecting with my fellow human beings in a special way: to drive from home to work I have to pass through a 4-way stop sign intersection. All drivers have to figure out who’s going through the intersection next. No verbal communication, sometimes a friendly wave through. We all figure it out quietly, respectfully. A sense of connection in a 10-second community of fellow travelers that brings a smile to my heart.
Many, many research studies these days document the importance of healthy social connections for enjoyment and fulfillment in living, especially as we get older. (See the excellent if densely scientific Promoting Healthy, Meaningful Aging through Social Involvement from the National Institute of Health.)
Let’s look at the two pillars of healthy social connections – common humanity (we’re all the same) and theory of mind (we’re each different), part of this month’s focus on skills of relational intelligence that support healthy, resonant relationships. My shared humanity at the all-stop intersection, along with we are each making our own decisions in that moment, is a small example of that much
A couple close to me recently celebrated their 30th wedding anniversary. On the surface, they are like ‘chalk and cheese.’ The wife is optimistic, impulsive and very positive. The husband, on the other hand, is a wee bit less optimistic and less impulsive. About ten years into their marriage I asked her what it was…
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She’s pushed your buttons by doing the very thing she said she would never do. You are incensed! These actions feel like a violation of trust. Out of aggravation, your response is unkind and loud. For both of you, you’re each seeing a side that you’ve never seen before: yelling, screaming, tears, and restraint as…
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