Learning to Love Again After an Affair
Is it possible to rebuild trust after your partner has been unfaithful? The loss of the relationship you envisioned can cause intense rage, jealousy, and sadness, and also raises many questions. Should you stay? Will things ever be the same? One thing is certain: learning to love again is a slow process.
Although regaining trust offers extreme challenges for both partners, there is reason to be hopeful.
Over time, the unfaithful partner must be willing to put the relationship first and demonstrate trustworthiness through their words and actions. In The Science of Trust, Dr. John Gottman posits that trust is an action rather than a belief – more about what your partner does than what they say.
Below are three questions to help you decide whether to end your relationship after an affair:
1. Would you want to be committed to your partner if you trusted them again?
In other words, do you have enough admiration and respect left to salvage the relationship? Be honest and ask yourself: Do we still have fun together and enjoy each other’s company most of the time?
2. Have you let go of your anger and resentment about your partner’s betrayal and are you able to move forward?
Can you imagine