When Sara and Ryan were newly married, they experienced a handful of frustrating conversations that evolved into emotionally-charged disputes.
Sara was devastated.
She thought that their relationship was in a bad place and that they were, perhaps even worse, doomed for divorce.
That’s because Sara loathes conflict. Like, really, really loathes it. And so, whenever things aren’t going perfectly well in her relationship, she’s a total mess.
Her husband, Ryan, has always been okay with conflict and doesn’t feel a need for things to be resolved immediately. While Sara is the type of person who never wants to go to bed angry, Ryan is a firm believer that going to bed angry is sometimes the best option.
You see for Sara, conflict breeds stress and the false assumption that her marriage is terrible, irreparable, and that it might end in divorce even though she and her husband are both deeply committed to making it work and staying together through thick and thin.
What Sara didn’t realize as a young love-struck newlywed is an important lesson for all married couples: conflict in marriage is inevitable.
One more time: conflict in marriage is inevitable.
In fact, not only is conflict in marriage inevitable, but it’s also perfectly normal. It’s a

Read More at https://www.gottman.com/blog/conflict-normal-natural-part-happily-ever/

Originally published at http://www.gottmanblog.com/

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