All couples are bound to have arguments about money. When they struggle to manage these ongoing disagreements with constructive conflict conversations, the result is what Dr. John Gottman calls “gridlock.”
Gridlock is like a Chinese Finger Trap. Each partner pulls for his or her position, making compromise impossible.
My Dreams Are Becoming My Worst Nightmare
Our dreams are full of aspirations and wishes that are core to our identity and give our life purpose and meaning. Gridlock is a sign that each partner has dreams that the other hasn’t accepted, doesn’t respect, or isn’t aware of.
Some financial dreams are practical, like obtaining a certain amount of savings, while others are profound, like owning a beach house in Hawaii. The profound dreams often remain hidden beneath the practical ones.
For example, Kurt wants to make a seven figure income, but why is that so important to him? Underneath his dream is a deep need for financial security.
When couples are in gridlock, it is only by uncovering the hidden dreams and symbolic meanings that they can get out of the Chinese Finger Trap.
Overcoming Financial Gridlock
The way out is to first identify the dream within conflict. When partners are gridlocked, they see each other as the source

Read More at https://www.gottman.com/blog/4-steps-overcome-financial-gridlock/

Originally published at http://www.gottmanblog.com/

Stay Connected

Subscribe to our weekly newsletter below.