As soon as the engagement ring is slipped on, we are inundated with messages about how our relationship should be. Our friends and family tell us what we should tolerate and what we shouldn’t. It’s “common knowledge” that marriage kills sex, right?
Wrong.
What you believe about your relationship determines the relationship you end up with, and some of these common beliefs can be toxic. They lead couples down the wrong path, or worse, convince them that their marriage is hopelessly going to go up in flames.
These myths ruin countless healthy relationships just because a couple believes there is something fundamentally wrong about it.
Active Listening Saves Marriages
According to Dr. John Gottman, active listening and conflict resolution in marriage don’t work. The research has shown that even after using active-listening techniques, couples were still distressed. The few couples who did benefit relapsed within a year.
Active listening requires Olympic-gold-medal-emotional performances. The idea expects you to swim in a pool of emotional criticism next to Michael Phelps. Even though Susan may do her best to hear Steve’s complaints, the person he is whining about isn’t a spectator in their marriage – it’s her husband – and behind all those “I” statements is her!
It’s not that validation, active listening,

Read More at https://www.gottman.com/blog/4-marriage-myths-cause-divorce/

Originally published at http://www.gottmanblog.com/

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